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script.txt
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ALMOST PURE
Instructions:
1. Please enter only integers
2. Please only enter the integers which correspond to an option on the screen
3. If there are no options, enter 1 to continue
4. You can always press 0 to see your reputation stats (positive means they love you, negative means they hate you)
Please don't break the game! Capisce?
Enter 1 to start the game
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ME: They say there is a very fine line between bravery and stupidity. I think I may have just crossed it into the point of no return.
THE CREATOR: Hey!! You Started without me! And stop quoting Magium.
ME: Dear Readers, this is Dick. Apparently he programmed me, but I don't believe it.
DICK: I AM NOT DICK!! Don't start my dialogues with it and make it official dammit.
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Punch Dick
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Ignore Dick
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Dick: Owwww. You just wait. This is my game. I will do whatever I want.
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Dick: Allright. I don't mind. I also want to see how this ends.
(Dick exits)
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This is the 22nd century. I am your normal everyday 28 year old freelance Dolphin trainer.
But somehow I have ended up 10,000 feet below the ocean and I'm organizing a Dolphin wedding. I don't know how, because Dick was too lazy to think of anything.
Anyways, apparently this place is called the XenoEel6969, a kingdom of Dolphins, and the person staring at me as I complete my monologue is the king here.
Funny they have "Eel" in the name of their kingdom. Google how Dolphins use eels.
I am in the Royal Dining Hall, celebrating the engagement of Prince Le Poo and Meriel.
In front of me is my dinner, a plate filled with seafood. I can't recognize anything, but it is definitely seafood.
Speaking of seafood, it's been a long while since I've had Fish and Chips. Ah, there's nothing like oily greasy Fish and Chips. I want to go to England.
I know! I will take those fancy new SpaceXkrafts to New New England on Mars.
Mars. No, not Mars. That bastard Tim moved to Mars a while back. He is yet to pay me for that tube ride from work that day.
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KING: Will you quit your stupid monologue and eat? Come on, the mackerel will get all soggy
This guy, another victim of that Dick's laziness. I don't know how many more nameless characters I will have to encounter on my trip here.
By the way this is still a monologue, I am eating my food quietly.
KING: All this will be very new to you. You must have a lot of questions. How are we able to cook food underwater? How are you alive in the water? Why am I a talking Dolphin?
KING: If you are expecting me to answer these, you are mistaken. Dick just didn't think of it. You see, he works on much lower mental ability than the rest of us.
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This Dick joke is getting old.
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Agreed.
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KING: I know, but that Dick couldn't think of anything else.
KING: I believe you have met Meriel.
I look across the table and catch her eye. Meriel. Now that I get a good look at her, she is actually quite stunning.
I had heard legends of the Universe's most beautiful dolphin among the freelance folk, but now, actually seeing her in person, it is a completely different feeling.
Her skin, the glossiest I have ever seen. Her scales, better than any mermaid that I've seen in any anime.
Her eyes, as deep as the ocean, have a certain innocence about them, a cheerful sparkle, which takes her beauty to another dimension. It shows her inner beauty...
The beauty of her flesh. Any person who had not seen The Cove would definitely want to grill her.
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DICK: I heard that. I know everything that you think. And from now, others would too, if you don't stop insulting me.
KING: Ignore him. I believe you have met Meriel and le Poo.
I look across the table and catch her eye. Meriel. Now that I get a good look at her, she is actually quite stunning.
I had heard legends of the Universe's most beautiful dolphin among the freelance folk, but now, actually seeing her in person, it is a completely different feeling.
Her skin, the glossiest I have ever seen. Her scales, better than any mermaid that I've seen in any anime.
Her eyes, as deep as the ocean, have a certain innocence about them, a cheerful sparkle, which takes her beauty to another dimension. It shows her inner beauty...
The beauty of her flesh. Any person who had not seen The Cove would definitely want to grill her.
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MERIEL: Hey, what are you thinking of?
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Should I grill you or fry you?
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Oh, nothing. When can we start the work?
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KING: I hope you are joking mister. We don't take such things lightly. But you are our esteemed guest and we will let this one slide.
MERIEL: We will get to work tomorrow morning, with the wedding photo shoot. After the dinner, Mario, our butler, will show you your room. I recommend you get some rest.
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KING: Oho! I like you. Always ready for work.
MERIEL: We'll need you tomorrow morning for the photo shoot. Till then, relax and make yourself comfortable. Mario, our butler, will show you your room. You'll get to meet Le Poo tomorrow.
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I finish my dinner and say my thanks, then I'm escorted out of the dining room, where I meet Mario.
I have to say, he is one weird dude. Those bright red clothes hurt me in the eye.
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Start a conversation
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Stay silent
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ME: Sooo, are you Mexican or Italian?
MARIO: Japanese.
He really really reminds me of someone. Someone from my childhood. I remember a bouncing red confused guy after chasing after something. Nah, I can't quite place him.
ME: How long have you been working here.
MARIO: It's been so long I forgot. I was employed here as a punishment for my sins. For my inability to protect the princess when she needed me the most.
ME: Ooookay.
He seems much more hardboiled than the guy I remember. Must be someone else.
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MARIO: Here we are, your lodgings.
I open the door and see a seaweed bed. Why am I not surprised?
ME: Hey, humans don't sleep on seaweed and corals. I need a proper bed you know.
MARIO: We can't do that. The bed will get wet and then it'll be even more uncomfortable.
Oh. I can breathe 10,000 feet below water but my bed will get wet. What kind of a world has Dick created?
MARIO: If there are no other problems I will take my leave. I will come wake you at 6AM.
MARIO: If you have any other requirements during the night, please, DO NOT press that button labelled "Call Mario". I will be locked in a duel with the neighborhood Kraken. Goodbye.
After saying something which I still can't wrap my head around, he left.
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Not having anything else to do, I lie down on the bed, thinking where I went wrong, how did I end up at this madhouse.
DICK: It's no use thinking about it. I cannot insert another node to help explain the reader what happened. But think of the positives, this might inspire a spin-off.
ME: Blow off, choffer.
DICK: You know, references like these will be lost on most audiences. This will remain a cult game.
ME: Shut it.
DICK: Oh, don't be mad. You were thinking about Meriel right? Eh, eh? Here, I brought help. This guy will help you peep on her.
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What Dick took out of his pocket was the most grotesque blue-white raccoon I had ever seen.
RACCOON: I AM NOT A RACCOON!!
What Dick took out of his pocket was the most grotesque blue-white not a raccoon I had ever seen.
NOT A RACCOON: Ah, forget it.
He (or she, there was no way to determine it) had a pocket on his belly. What this weird creature was, I could never guess. Kangaroo, raccoon, cat, not a raccoon?
NOT A RACCOON: I have come from the 22nd Century to help you achieve your dreams!
ME: This is the 22nd Century.
NOT A RACCOON: ......Oh.
DICK: Don't worry, Doraem*n won't hurt you.
ME: Doraem*n? Is that what you've named him? Why are worrying about copyright issues now?
DICK: I am not. I wanted to make a Hayate joke.
ME: This game is doomed.
NOT A RACCOON: Here, take this.
The creature took out of his belly a hoop.
NOT A RACCOON: You can use this to cross walls and peep into Meriel's Room!
ME: Dick! I don't want to peek! She's engaged! They'll have me beheaded!
DICK: Come on! You're digital, you won't feel a thing. I can always construct you back! So what do you say?
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Peek
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Ignore
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Thanks for trying Always Pure DEMO! To get the full experience, please purchase the FULL VERSION.
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ME: What kind of a prank is this Dick!
DICK: Relax, that portion of the game is not finished yet. Here, I'll redirect you to the next scenario.
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DICK: You are such a hard-ass.
Not a raccoon and Dick left. I decide to sleep and get some rest. Tomorrow, I have to start work.
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MARIO: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!
I wake up. Punch Mario in the face. Take by brush and start the daily morning routine.
After I'm done, Mario gets my breakfast in my room, then we both go to the location of the photo shoot.
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It is the sunken remains of the old Going Merry, now turned into a tourist attraction, complete with One Piece cosplay.
I am greeted by a fake Brook and taken over to the head of the camera team, who is such an old dude I'm surprised he's still standing.
STAN LEE: Hi! I'm STAN! Nice to meet you. I will be leading our little operation here. Feel free to explore and go over the setup.
STAN LEE: But before that, meet Lady Meriel, she wanted to see you. She's right there in her RV.
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"You're surprisingly fit for a 90 year old."
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Go meet Meriel
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Look Around
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ME: You're surprisingly fit for a 90 year old.
STAN LEE: 94 to be precise. Ah, girls look at that body, I work out. I'm sexy and I know it.
ME: Okay big guy. Stay healthy!
I head towards Meriel's RV.
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MERIEL: Hi! I hope you had no problems reaching here! By any chance, did you see my lost earring anywhere?
ME: No, when did you lose it?
MERIEL: This morning. But don't sweat it. Come on, let's go meet Le Poo.
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I take a stroll through the equipment, inspecting it. Well, I'm a Dolphin trainer, in case you forgot the original plot.
So I realize there's not much point looking at this equipment.
As I turn around to head towards the RV, I notice a small ball of kelp with a hook attached to it, below one of the crates. I don't know what exactly is it, but it's interesting, so I decide to keep it.
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MERIEL: Hi! I hope you had no problems reaching here! By any chance, did you see my lost earring anywhere?
Oh, that ball of kelp!
ME: Here, is this it?
MERIEL: Yes! Oh thank you! Come on, let's go meet Le Poo!
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Meriel leads me to the top deck of the Going Merry, where I see a big muscular dolphin surrounded by the camera crew, making extremely silly poses.
Right, just your average photo shoot.
MERIEL: Le Poo! Look, the protagonist is here!
Shit. That Dick didn't even give ME a name.
LE POO: Hi Protagonist!
ME: You know, we're almost at the deadline. Let's end this stupid game now.
LE POO: Okay.
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I struggle to get up on my knees and pick myself up. All this smoke and the stench of death which fill my lungs try their hardest to keep me down.
But I, the heir to the Pluton Knights Order will not bow down.
I stand up somehow, and scan the battlefield.
Death. That is all I see. All around me.
All these brave soldiers who followed me into battle against the Gundam, now lie dead. Dead because of me.
What happened? Where is Mario? Where is Le Poo? Where is my precious Meriel?
Find out in the next episode of ALMOST PURE.
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