-
Notifications
You must be signed in to change notification settings - Fork 0
/
20.03.2021-conversation-and-conflict.html
79 lines (79 loc) · 3.9 KB
/
20.03.2021-conversation-and-conflict.html
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
<!DOCTYPE html>
<title>Conversation and Conflict</title>
<head>
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1" />
<link rel="icon" href="favicon.png" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="global.css" />
<link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="post.css" />
<link
rel="stylesheet"
href="https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/font-awesome/4.7.0/css/font-awesome.min.css"
/>
<link href="https://afeld.github.io/emoji-css/emoji.css" rel="stylesheet" />
<script
data-goatcounter="https://desmondmcnamee.goatcounter.com/count"
async
src="//gc.zgo.at/count.js"
></script>
</head>
<body>
<main>
<a href="blog.html" class="link">< Blog</a>
<h1>Approaching Conversation and Conflict</h1>
<div class="content-container">
<p>
I’ve had a lot of discussions in my life where disagreement is present.
More often than not, they end in a heated exchange where both parties
are left with no deviation from their original positions.
</p>
<p>
I’ve often found myself frustrated with the other person for not being
open minded enough to see my point. The objective for me has always been
to bring the person around to see it my way, and anything short of that,
I deem as a failure. Of course, if my discussion partner has the same
objective, the only possible outcome is - communication breakdown and
both parties walking away unmoved from their original position.
</p>
<p>
I’ve started taking a different approach and now my conversations feel a
lot more productive. I walk away from them feeling way less angry and
like both parties got something out of it.
</p>
<p>
The approach I take has a few aspects. First, instead of thinking of
each person’s position as a binary 1 or 0, where my position is 1 and my
opponent’s position is 0. I think of both positions along more of a
continuum. Let’s say 0 and 100. Where my position is 0 and my partner’s
is 100. If by the end of the conversation I’m at 1 and my partner is at
99, I’d consider that to be a huge success. Of course we still wildly
disagree with each other, but the conversation has resulted in both
parties changing their original position (even if only slightly). The
conversation has been worth something, as both parties now get to move
through the world with a slightly more nuanced take on the matter
discussed.
</p>
<p>
I’ve also tried to stop blaming my conversation parter if the
conversation doesn’t result in the movement of positions described
above. I used to spend hours after a conversation replaying the
conversation in my head thinking how unreasonable or stupid the other
person is for not seeing my perspective. Of course, they could just as
easily have the same feeling about me. Now, I take full responsibly for
the outcome of the conversation. My behaviour in the conversation is the
only thing I can actually control, so that’s the only thing worth
spending time reflecting on. This means if a conversation doesn’t go
well, I can think back about how I could have handled it differently, to
make it more productive. My experience is most people are willing to
have a nuanced conversation if you treat their position with respect.
Actually the most important thing is to avoid making your partner feel
like you think they’re stupid. If I fail to make the person feel
respected that’s 100% on me.
</p>
<p>
Guiding a productive conversation is more of an art than a science. Like
any skill, I find it helps to analyse my own tactics and make
adjustments when I find weak points.
</p>
</div>
</main>
</body>